Nothing Better

“Okay.  Yeah.  I understand.  That’s great.  Thank you for calling.  Uh huh,” Marisela sighed, “I already told you it’s fine now.  Yes.  Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered.  Yeah.  Okay.  Goodbye, Detective.”  With another exasperated sigh she hung up and plopped down onto the couch beside Todd who had been watching her intently the whole time.  Rubbing her eyes she said, “The detective said that after much deliberation over the past few days they’ve come to the conclusion that you acted in clear self defense so there won’t be a case against you, but you do have to undergo a series of psychiatric evaluations before you ‘become an official member of society.’”  Todd shifted where he sat.  Marisela looked at him and smiled kindly, “It’s nothing to worry about.  Just be yourself and everything will be alright.  From the few days we’ve spent together I can tell that you’re very normal.  The only problem is your communication skills and that will improve the more time you spend with people.  Also, it’s not like you’ll be alone.  I’ll be there with you as much as I can be.  I promise.  So don’t worry, ok?  It’ll be fine.”  A smile spread across Todd’s lips as he listened to her.  He felt much better about someone ‘evaluating’ him after Marisela had comforted him.

She was right, too.  Over the last couple of days that Todd had spent with her, he had gotten better at understanding what Marisela was saying to him.  He had also learned more about things in her apartment like kitchen appliances and other household machines.  After only one demonstration he had picked up how to operate the washing machine and dryer.  It only took him a day to figure out how the DVD player and remote worked.  He enjoyed throwing things down the garbage disposal unit once he’d discovered the switch that turned it on.  The blender was another source of amusement for him, but perhaps the device that he had the most fun with was the hair dryer.  It fascinated him how such warmth came from such a small and loud object despite that fact that it had frightened him so much the first time he’d turned it on that he almost chucked it at the bathroom wall and left a dent in it.

The only hard part about teaching him all this was having to insist that he not stick anything in the outlets.  One morning Marisela woke up to find Todd on his way to jamming a fork in the free outlet in the kitchen.  She shrieked in fear and leapt at him, pulling him to the ground to get him as far away from the outlet as she could in the short amount of time she had.  After that she spent a good ten minutes scolding him and warning him about what could have happened to him if she hadn’t interfered.  The next day, not confident that her words had completely gotten through to Todd, she went out and bought some plastic protectors to place in the empty outlets around the apartment just in case.

It was like having a child in her apartment.  He wanted to know what everything was and how it all worked.  Just about everything brought him joy when he found out what its purpose was.  There was only one thing he hated.

Marisela jumped a little when her phone began to ring while she was cooking dinner.  She quickly ran to the counter she’d lain it down on and answered it.  Todd glared at her phone.  It wasn’t really the phone he hated, but the person calling.  A knot in his stomach caused him pain each time he heard the little tune.  Just like earlier when the detective called.  The knot always seemed to get bigger with each ring too.  The reason for this was that Todd dreaded David’s calls.  Only when David called did it feel like Marisela wouldn’t be able to tell if Todd was beside her or not.  David stole her attention.  All of it.  When David called Marisela only cared about him.  Todd couldn’t stand it.

“David!” she said with a laugh as she chatted happily.

He gritted his teeth against the pain in his chest.  The knot in his stomach was painful, but the way the pain moved to his chest when his fear was confirmed was by far more intense.  He wanted to tear the phone away and smash it.  He hated David.  No matter how many nice things Marisela said about him or how many times she insisted that Todd would like him if he met him, Todd absolutely abhorred David.  Of course, this only made him feel worse because he knew there was no reason for it.  As far as he knew, David was a saint.  When looked at logically, Todd should like the person who made Marisela so happy, but he just couldn’t.  No matter how hard he tried all he could do was despise him.  It made him feel terrible.  Why did he want to take away something that made her happy?  He loves it when she’s happy.  Why does just the sound of that man’s name make him feel so angry?

“Ok!  Bye, Sweetie!”  Marisela hung up and placed her phone back on the counter with a girlish giggle.  “Todd, how about we have cookies for dessert tonight?  I feel like making cookies.  Let’s have cookies!”  Todd watched her dance around the kitchen for a moment before turning back to her phone.  It was within his reach.  He could easily snatch it and throw it out the window and watch it crash to the pavement below.  How high up were they?  Three stories.  He could see the damage three stories’ worth of falling would do.  He looked back up at Marisela.  When he saw the smile on her face and the way she hummed to herself all his malicious thoughts disappeared, just like they always did.  As much as he wanted to destroy her phone, he never could.  He could never be the reason she was upset.  Anyone.  Anyone else.  He could hurt anyone else.  But he could never hurt Marisela.  No matter what.  No matter how much pain he felt it could never match the kind of pain he’d feel knowing he was the reason she cried.

“Set the table, Todd.  I’m almost done.”

A cool breeze drifted in from the open window by Marisela’s TV as she and Todd sat on the couch and watched a rerun of an old sitcom she loved.  “Break will be over soon and I’ll be going back to school,” Marisela said without taking her eyes off of the screen.  “When that time comes, do you think you’ll be okay staying here by yourself all day?”  Todd just looked at her.  He thought about watching Marisela walk away in the mornings and having to stay behind.  He didn’t like it.  How long would she be away?  He tried to think back to before his father kidnapped him, but he couldn’t remember how long a school day was.  Even if he did, he was only seven then so the days weren’t as long as they normally would be, especially not for a college student.  Marisela stifled a laugh when she saw his look of serious concentration.  “If you don’t want to be alone I’m sure I could work something out so you could stay with me when I have classes.  Like a sort of ‘shadowing’ thing.  An exchange student did something similar with a classmate of mine back in high school.”  Todd smiled.  He felt relieved to know there was a chance he wouldn’t have to be without her for hours on end.  Happy, he went back to trying to understand what was happening in the sitcom.

A few minutes later, Marisela’s ringtone interrupted the show.  Marisela reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone.  “Emma?  Emma never calls me.”  She answered the call skeptically.  Her face quickly fell with a look of fearful disbelief.  Todd turned the volume down on the TV as he focused on her.  She shook her head vigorously.  “There’s no way.  You must have seen wrong.”  A heavy air fell on the room as Marisela listened to Emma.  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.  David wouldn’t do that.  He’s not that kind of guy.”  Todd’s worry mixed with anger when he heard that man’s name.  He scooted closer to Marisela who was too distracted to notice.  “Shut up, Emma!”  She jumped to her feet, her voice cracking slightly as she shouted.  Tearing the phone away from her ear she smashed her thumb down on the button to end the call and hurriedly punched in David’s number.  Although he wasn’t sure what was going on, Todd knew that Marisela was upset and he knew it was because of David.  “David!” she shouted excitedly when the call went through.  “David, listen, I know this is stupid, but Emma won’t shut up if I don’t ask so forgive me for this but…”  Todd struggled to understand what she was saying, but as soon as she started to ask David a question he became lost.  What kind of question was it?  Why did she have so much trouble asking it?  Why did her voice shake?  Why did she stammer?  Why did she clutch her phone so tightly?  What was he saying?  Why did she start to shake?  “Wh-why?  Why would you…?  H-how could you…?”  Marisela fell back onto the couch.  Her torso crumpled as she curled into herself.  She hung up and tossed her phone aside weakly.  Tears spilled onto her knees as she cried, her face cradled by her hands.

Todd’s heart ached to see her that way.  Even though he couldn’t explain it, he felt as though his hatred toward David had just been validated, but it didn’t make him feel any better.  More than the phone, he wanted to crush David.  Wanted to erase him from existence.  “Am I really that stupid, Todd?”  Todd moved a little closer to her, shaking his head.  Marisela sat up and Todd could clearly see her tear streaked face.  “How could I not have noticed anything?  I must be the dumbest person alive!”  She threw her arms in the air, then quickly brought them back down to cover her face as she continued to sob.

Todd’s chest squeezed as he struggled to think of what to do to make her stop crying.  He got to his feet and crouched in front of her before hugging her closely.  Surprised, Marisela stopped her weeping.  Summoning all his courage and strength and remembering what she’d said on the day they went shopping, Todd said in his raspy, tender, unused voice, “Not…stupid…Mari…best…no-…nothing…better.”  A little dumbfounded, Marisela pulled back and stared at Todd.  Glad she was no longer crying, Todd smiled and leaned in.  He kissed her softly on her forehead the way she had kissed him the day they’d met.  Tears began to fall again and Todd looked her over frantically, wondering if he’d done something wrong.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and laughed a little.  “Thank you,” she said quietly.  “I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t here with me.  Thank you, Todd.”  His heart swelled as he held her closer.  He was so unbelievably happy, happier than he’d ever felt before; so happy he felt as though he could die at any second and he wouldn’t really mind.  The faint scent of her perfume seemed to intoxicate him.  It floated him up to heaven.  He was on a cloud of joy, high above everything and everyone else.  He didn’t care if he never became an “official member of society.”  Marisela was with him and she needed him.  If he could, he would devote his entire life, his very being to her.  She meant the world to him.  She meant everything to him.  “…Mari…”