Nothing Better

“Okay.  Yeah.  I understand.  That’s great.  Thank you for calling.  Uh huh,” Marisela sighed, “I already told you it’s fine now.  Yes.  Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered.  Yeah.  Okay.  Goodbye, Detective.”  With another exasperated sigh she hung up and plopped down onto the couch beside Todd who had been watching her intently the whole time.  Rubbing her eyes she said, “The detective said that after much deliberation over the past few days they’ve come to the conclusion that you acted in clear self defense so there won’t be a case against you, but you do have to undergo a series of psychiatric evaluations before you ‘become an official member of society.’”  Todd shifted where he sat.  Marisela looked at him and smiled kindly, “It’s nothing to worry about.  Just be yourself and everything will be alright.  From the few days we’ve spent together I can tell that you’re very normal.  The only problem is your communication skills and that will improve the more time you spend with people.  Also, it’s not like you’ll be alone.  I’ll be there with you as much as I can be.  I promise.  So don’t worry, ok?  It’ll be fine.”  A smile spread across Todd’s lips as he listened to her.  He felt much better about someone ‘evaluating’ him after Marisela had comforted him.

She was right, too.  Over the last couple of days that Todd had spent with her, he had gotten better at understanding what Marisela was saying to him.  He had also learned more about things in her apartment like kitchen appliances and other household machines.  After only one demonstration he had picked up how to operate the washing machine and dryer.  It only took him a day to figure out how the DVD player and remote worked.  He enjoyed throwing things down the garbage disposal unit once he’d discovered the switch that turned it on.  The blender was another source of amusement for him, but perhaps the device that he had the most fun with was the hair dryer.  It fascinated him how such warmth came from such a small and loud object despite that fact that it had frightened him so much the first time he’d turned it on that he almost chucked it at the bathroom wall and left a dent in it.

The only hard part about teaching him all this was having to insist that he not stick anything in the outlets.  One morning Marisela woke up to find Todd on his way to jamming a fork in the free outlet in the kitchen.  She shrieked in fear and leapt at him, pulling him to the ground to get him as far away from the outlet as she could in the short amount of time she had.  After that she spent a good ten minutes scolding him and warning him about what could have happened to him if she hadn’t interfered.  The next day, not confident that her words had completely gotten through to Todd, she went out and bought some plastic protectors to place in the empty outlets around the apartment just in case.

It was like having a child in her apartment.  He wanted to know what everything was and how it all worked.  Just about everything brought him joy when he found out what its purpose was.  There was only one thing he hated.

Marisela jumped a little when her phone began to ring while she was cooking dinner.  She quickly ran to the counter she’d lain it down on and answered it.  Todd glared at her phone.  It wasn’t really the phone he hated, but the person calling.  A knot in his stomach caused him pain each time he heard the little tune.  Just like earlier when the detective called.  The knot always seemed to get bigger with each ring too.  The reason for this was that Todd dreaded David’s calls.  Only when David called did it feel like Marisela wouldn’t be able to tell if Todd was beside her or not.  David stole her attention.  All of it.  When David called Marisela only cared about him.  Todd couldn’t stand it.

“David!” she said with a laugh as she chatted happily.

He gritted his teeth against the pain in his chest.  The knot in his stomach was painful, but the way the pain moved to his chest when his fear was confirmed was by far more intense.  He wanted to tear the phone away and smash it.  He hated David.  No matter how many nice things Marisela said about him or how many times she insisted that Todd would like him if he met him, Todd absolutely abhorred David.  Of course, this only made him feel worse because he knew there was no reason for it.  As far as he knew, David was a saint.  When looked at logically, Todd should like the person who made Marisela so happy, but he just couldn’t.  No matter how hard he tried all he could do was despise him.  It made him feel terrible.  Why did he want to take away something that made her happy?  He loves it when she’s happy.  Why does just the sound of that man’s name make him feel so angry?

“Ok!  Bye, Sweetie!”  Marisela hung up and placed her phone back on the counter with a girlish giggle.  “Todd, how about we have cookies for dessert tonight?  I feel like making cookies.  Let’s have cookies!”  Todd watched her dance around the kitchen for a moment before turning back to her phone.  It was within his reach.  He could easily snatch it and throw it out the window and watch it crash to the pavement below.  How high up were they?  Three stories.  He could see the damage three stories’ worth of falling would do.  He looked back up at Marisela.  When he saw the smile on her face and the way she hummed to herself all his malicious thoughts disappeared, just like they always did.  As much as he wanted to destroy her phone, he never could.  He could never be the reason she was upset.  Anyone.  Anyone else.  He could hurt anyone else.  But he could never hurt Marisela.  No matter what.  No matter how much pain he felt it could never match the kind of pain he’d feel knowing he was the reason she cried.

“Set the table, Todd.  I’m almost done.”

A cool breeze drifted in from the open window by Marisela’s TV as she and Todd sat on the couch and watched a rerun of an old sitcom she loved.  “Break will be over soon and I’ll be going back to school,” Marisela said without taking her eyes off of the screen.  “When that time comes, do you think you’ll be okay staying here by yourself all day?”  Todd just looked at her.  He thought about watching Marisela walk away in the mornings and having to stay behind.  He didn’t like it.  How long would she be away?  He tried to think back to before his father kidnapped him, but he couldn’t remember how long a school day was.  Even if he did, he was only seven then so the days weren’t as long as they normally would be, especially not for a college student.  Marisela stifled a laugh when she saw his look of serious concentration.  “If you don’t want to be alone I’m sure I could work something out so you could stay with me when I have classes.  Like a sort of ‘shadowing’ thing.  An exchange student did something similar with a classmate of mine back in high school.”  Todd smiled.  He felt relieved to know there was a chance he wouldn’t have to be without her for hours on end.  Happy, he went back to trying to understand what was happening in the sitcom.

A few minutes later, Marisela’s ringtone interrupted the show.  Marisela reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone.  “Emma?  Emma never calls me.”  She answered the call skeptically.  Her face quickly fell with a look of fearful disbelief.  Todd turned the volume down on the TV as he focused on her.  She shook her head vigorously.  “There’s no way.  You must have seen wrong.”  A heavy air fell on the room as Marisela listened to Emma.  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.  David wouldn’t do that.  He’s not that kind of guy.”  Todd’s worry mixed with anger when he heard that man’s name.  He scooted closer to Marisela who was too distracted to notice.  “Shut up, Emma!”  She jumped to her feet, her voice cracking slightly as she shouted.  Tearing the phone away from her ear she smashed her thumb down on the button to end the call and hurriedly punched in David’s number.  Although he wasn’t sure what was going on, Todd knew that Marisela was upset and he knew it was because of David.  “David!” she shouted excitedly when the call went through.  “David, listen, I know this is stupid, but Emma won’t shut up if I don’t ask so forgive me for this but…”  Todd struggled to understand what she was saying, but as soon as she started to ask David a question he became lost.  What kind of question was it?  Why did she have so much trouble asking it?  Why did her voice shake?  Why did she stammer?  Why did she clutch her phone so tightly?  What was he saying?  Why did she start to shake?  “Wh-why?  Why would you…?  H-how could you…?”  Marisela fell back onto the couch.  Her torso crumpled as she curled into herself.  She hung up and tossed her phone aside weakly.  Tears spilled onto her knees as she cried, her face cradled by her hands.

Todd’s heart ached to see her that way.  Even though he couldn’t explain it, he felt as though his hatred toward David had just been validated, but it didn’t make him feel any better.  More than the phone, he wanted to crush David.  Wanted to erase him from existence.  “Am I really that stupid, Todd?”  Todd moved a little closer to her, shaking his head.  Marisela sat up and Todd could clearly see her tear streaked face.  “How could I not have noticed anything?  I must be the dumbest person alive!”  She threw her arms in the air, then quickly brought them back down to cover her face as she continued to sob.

Todd’s chest squeezed as he struggled to think of what to do to make her stop crying.  He got to his feet and crouched in front of her before hugging her closely.  Surprised, Marisela stopped her weeping.  Summoning all his courage and strength and remembering what she’d said on the day they went shopping, Todd said in his raspy, tender, unused voice, “Not…stupid…Mari…best…no-…nothing…better.”  A little dumbfounded, Marisela pulled back and stared at Todd.  Glad she was no longer crying, Todd smiled and leaned in.  He kissed her softly on her forehead the way she had kissed him the day they’d met.  Tears began to fall again and Todd looked her over frantically, wondering if he’d done something wrong.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and laughed a little.  “Thank you,” she said quietly.  “I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t here with me.  Thank you, Todd.”  His heart swelled as he held her closer.  He was so unbelievably happy, happier than he’d ever felt before; so happy he felt as though he could die at any second and he wouldn’t really mind.  The faint scent of her perfume seemed to intoxicate him.  It floated him up to heaven.  He was on a cloud of joy, high above everything and everyone else.  He didn’t care if he never became an “official member of society.”  Marisela was with him and she needed him.  If he could, he would devote his entire life, his very being to her.  She meant the world to him.  She meant everything to him.  “…Mari…”

Looks Good

Marisela sat up and stretched as her eyes slowly opened.  Her arms fell back to her sides with a heaviness they didn’t normally have.  Why did she feel so tired?  All at once, the events of the day before came flooding back to her and she leapt out of bed.  Pulling on her robe, she wrenched the door open and was about to race out when she was stopped by a quiet thumping sound.  At her feet lay Todd, fast asleep.  Marisela crouched and studied his face to see that he was really asleep.  “Why are you over here?”  Gently, she slid her arms under his shoulders and tried to lift him, but fell back onto her bottom.  “Heavier than I thought.”  She looked down at his slim body and remembered the look of his abs and other muscles when he’d taken his shirt off the night before.  Blushing a little, she got to her feet and grabbed a pillow to place under his head before stepping over him to get to the kitchen.  As she pulled out a couple pans to use to make breakfast, she leaned and looked down the hall at Todd who was still sleeping.  Her brow furrowed as she wondered again why he had traveled to just outside her door, but not knocked or anything.  Did he need something?  Had he done it in his sleep?  Unable to come to any kind of conclusion, Marisela shook her head and began to make French toast.

She was laying the fourth piece of toast on the plate she was keeping in the microwave when Todd shuffled into the kitchen behind her.  Following the sweet smell, he came up behind Marisela and rested his head on her shoulder as her took in a deep breath through his nose to smell the sweet scent of breakfast.  Somewhat startled, she jumped a little and tensed up, but relaxed when she realized it was only Todd.  “Go sit down and I’ll bring you a plate once I’ve finished with the eggs, ok?”  Although Todd hadn’t entirely understood what she’d said, he got the gist of it from her tone and went to sit at the table.  Marisela went back to the stovetop and glance up a minute later to see Todd sitting at the table, slouched forward.  After scooping a serving of scrambled eggs onto a plate with two slices of French toast on it, she brought it over to him.  “Todd, sit up straight.  Sitting like that is bad for your back.”  He blinked at her, obviously not understanding her instruction.  With a look that said “It can’t be helped,” she stood behind him and placed one hand on his back, the other on his shoulder.  A gentle push had Todd sitting upright.  “There.  Sit like that from now on, ok?”  Todd understood this time and nodded with a bright smile.  Marisela laughed and ruffled his hair before going to get herself some breakfast, too.

Half of Marisela’s first piece of toast was gone before she realized that Todd wasn’t eating.  She put down her knife and fork and looked at him curiously.  Finally, she realized that he didn’t know how to use a knife and guessed that the only time he’d ever even held one was when… “Here.”  She held her hands out for him.  “Pass me the plate, I’ll do it for you.”  Todd stared at her and her hands.  She motioned for the plate once more.  “Here.”  With a quick nod, Todd picked up his plate and handed it to her.  Marisela quickly cut his pieces of toast up and handed the plate back to him.  “Go ahead.  You know how to use a fork, right?” she asked with a small giggle as she took his knife into the kitchen and returned it to its spot in her cutlery drawer.  When she got back to her seat she noticed Todd still hadn’t begun eating.  “What’s wrong?  Don’t want it?” she asked, tilting her head to see the face he still had hidden behind his long hair.  Frustrated from not being able to see his expression clearly, she leaned forward and pushed his hair out of the way.  His blushing face was revealed.  It clicked.  “Todd, do you not know how to use a fork or spoon either?”  He looked away and nodded a little.  Marisela let go of his hair, went into the kitchen, and returned with a tortilla.  “Now, it’s not healthy to have a tortilla and toast, but for now it’s ok.  With this, you can eat with your hands.”  She offered the tortilla, but Todd still didn’t look up.  Feeling bad for having embarrassed him, she tore off a small piece and used it to pick up some egg.  “Todd, here.”  He looked up to see Marisela’s hand stretched toward him, egg held in the piece of tortilla she had.  Right at first he was confused, but then he figured out what she meant and leaned forward to eat the food she was offering him.  Marisela was shocked.  She had assumed he’d just take it from her hand and eat it, not eat it from her hand.  Her face turned bright red and burned when he licked her forefinger where a piece of egg had fallen.  Surprised by it, she jerked her hand back and stammered, “D-D-Don’t do that, ok?”  Not understanding what he had done wrong, Todd nodded slowly.  Marisela took a moment for her heart to slow back to normal before sitting back down and finishing her breakfast.  Todd watched her with a smile on his face.  Her expression amused him.  He thought she was cute the way her face turned a different color like that.  When she went back to eating he lifted the tortilla, tore it, and used it to finish his plate as well.

When she had finished cleaning the dishes, Marisela walked out into the living room to see Todd sitting on the couch, his head over the back to look at her.  She scratched her head.  “We’re gonna need to get you some clothes.  You can’t wear the same things everyday, can you?”  Todd had no idea what she was talking about, but he loved her voice so he smiled and nodded.  Marisela nodded back and headed to her bedroom.  “I’m gonna get dressed, then we can go to the mall or something.”  She reached the end of the hall when she turned around and said, “You need to change back into the clothes you got from the police, ok?”  She could tell he wasn’t really listening so she went and picked up the jeans he’d left laying on the floor.  “These, Todd.  Put these on.”  Todd nodded quickly, happy he knew what she was saying, and just as quickly pulled the sleep pants down around his ankles.  Marisela spun around and shouted, “I didn’t mean right this second!”  She tossed the jeans behind her at him and hurried into her bedroom to get dressed.  Todd laughed.  Marisela was funny how she was always shouting, turning away, and turning red.  There was definitely no one as fun in the world.  No one as fun as Marisela.  No one.

Todd had started to wonder off on their way to the mall a few times, drawn by the smells of different kinds of foods, so Marisela had finally taken hold of his hand to be sure he wouldn’t get away and get lost when she wasn’t looking.  At first, she didn’t take notice, but after the twentieth time Marisela found that dozens of groups of women and girls were pointing at Todd and whispering.  This annoyed Marisela because she didn’t know what they were saying.  Were they impressed by his looks or making fun of him?  “First, let’s get you a haircut, ok?  It’s hard talking to you when I can’t see your face.”  She quickly stepped into the small shop at the entrance of the indoor mall and asked if they took walk-ins.  The woman who owned the place gracious said yes and asked Todd to come sit at the free chair closest to him.  Marisela turned to sit at the waiting area and started to release Todd’s hand, but he held onto hers firmly.  “What?  Nothing bad’s gonna happen.”  Through his hair she could see the distress he felt and sighed.  “Alright.  Ma’am, is it ok if I stay here while you cut his hair?”  The woman was confused, but she agreed nonetheless.  Feeling better, Todd let go of Marisela’s hand so she could sit in the chair beside his.  Bored after the first minute, Marisela closed her eyes and dozed off until the woman tapped her shoulder to tell her she was done and how much Marisela owed her.  Without looking at Todd yet, Marisela reached for her purse and paid the woman.  Once the woman stepped away, Marisela hopped off the chair and took a look at Todd.  The way his hair now framed his face was perfect.  The length was a couple inches shorter and it was combed in such a way that it fell around his face with a few strands in front.  He grinned at her, eagerly awaiting her approval.  She reached up and patted his head, feeling how soft his hair now was.  “Looks good!”

After an hour Todd had seventeen new shirts and pants.  Most of the shirts were button-down.  “Because I think they’re the best.  When a guy wears a button-down shirt with the first few buttons unbuttoned, what’s better?  Nothing.  They’re definitely the best,” Marisela had said while picking out a few.  Todd had no idea what she was rambling on about, but she looked enthusiastic so he smiled the whole time.

On their way back to Marisela’s she got a text message.  The contents made her giggled and she replied quickly.  When she looked up, Todd was looking at her with a look of intrigue.  “This?  It’s my cell phone.  Have you not seen one?”  Todd shook his head so she handed hers to him.  “Be careful with it, ok?  It was expensive.”  Todd turned it around in his hand, awed by its size.  “It’s for getting in contact with people who aren’t close by, like family.”  Not noticing the sad look on Todd’s face, she went on.  “Or other loved ones like a significant other.  Do you know what that i-” she was cut-off by her phone ringing.  She stood on her toes to see who it was because Todd had it up close to his face.  “David!” she chimed cheerfully before taking the phone back and answering it quickly.  There were many things Todd did not understand, but he understood that David was a man’s name and he understood how happy Marisela looked talking into the small device.  One thing he didn’t understand was the pain in his chest when he looked at her smile.  Normally her smile made him smile, but not this time.  He tugged on her sleeve to get her attention, but she waved his hand away and continued talking.  The pain he felt grew until he could no longer bear to look at her and began to walk more hurriedly toward the apartment.  A minute later, Marisela finished the call and ran to catch up with Todd.  “I thought I’d lost you for a second.  Didn’t think you’d remember the way back already,” she commented as they neared the door to her apartment.

Once inside, Todd sat on the couch with the shopping bags while Marisela went to make lunch.  During lunch, Todd stared at his food without taking a bite.  “What’s wrong now?  It’s a sandwich so you can go ahead and use your hands.”  Todd looked up at her, then pointed to her cell phone.  “My phone?  What about it?”  He pointed again and Marisela cocked her head to the side in confusion.  Finally she ventured a guess.  “David?”  Todd nodded.  Proud of herself for having figured it out, Marisela grinned.  “David’s my boyfriend.  We met in high school, but we’re going to different schools now so we keep in touch with our cell phones and email.  He’s a really great guy.  You’d like him.”  Not everything she said made sense to Todd, but from her expressions he could tell that David meant a lot to her.  It bugged him.  He didn’t like it when she said his name.  But at the same time, she looked so happy.  He wanted her to be happy.  Why did her happiness cause him pain.  It didn’t make sense.  He didn’t like it.  Todd got to his feet and went to lie on the couch.  “Todd?” Marisela asked with concern as she followed him.  “You feeling ok?  You don’t look so good.”  He turned away from her.  “Ok.  Well, come get me if you need something, ok?”  She finished her lunch and went to her room to start on some work she’d been assigned over the break.